the world after the war
by silentworldxx
Summary: It was sad end for them. In the end Naruto has everything and she and Sasuke – nothing. It hurts the most.
1. one

The day the trio returned to their home was rainy and foggy.

The blonde one was holding Hinata's hand; both were smiling and these smiles were true and happy ones. They were proof of the better world that ought to start now. Though it had to start without many people, the ones they had to burry, the ones they had to leave on the battlefield forever. With every step they took they got closer to Konoha. The main gates were the sign that they were home, along with the scent of ramen.

Behind the happy couple was Sakura, who looked little tired and sad at the same time. Every fibre in her body told her to stop walking and just lay down in the dirt. Every step she took caused pain. She _**fucking**_ hurt. She didn't know what else she felt. She remembered the brown eyes of her mentor behind a glass of sake and the drunken smile. Sakura stopped and wrapped her hands around herself. The pain was clenching her heart and lungs, it felt like suffocating.  
The green diamond shaped seal on her forehead waned and it reminded her of Tsunade and her own personal fights. To Sakura it was like the people in front of her were running, while behind her the people were dead. The trembling didn't stop even when she took in sharp breaths.

"You know, they were old and they had lived their lives well. I'm sure they didn't want you to cry over them,_ beautiful,_ " she looked at edo Minato, who was standing next to her. The way he was smiling at her made her shrink. _The pain is killing her inside, devastating, disabling._ He bent down and lifted her chin with his thumb and a sad smile graced his lips.

"You'll never forget it,_ darling_. Just keep living, fighting for the ones you love," and with that he is slowly disappearing, like everyone who had been summoned by the edo tensei_.__  
__The pain increased._ Now she was alone. In front of her Naruto and Hinata were welcomed like heroes, while for her it was hard to hear _"Thank you"_ and _"You saved us!"_ for the millionth time when it wasn't true. But even after her explosion of power she is useless, left behind, forgotten.

Like she never had existed. People were cheering and laughing, which made it even harder for her.

_Pain tears apart, pain stabs. ___

_Sakura felt the weight of the world_bearing down on her while she was sitting in the muck. Not far behind her someone was coming, and she knew very well who it was. No hero, no savior.

"Sakura," he stopped and stood near her, observing the crowd in the village. His face was white, like a blank page and she has to admit she liked it. She always liked it. Before she could do anything he grabbed her forearm – a little too harsh – and put her back on her feet.  
"Stop being _so annoying_," she jumped at that but all of the sudden she didn't want to fight anymore. He was spacing out and it was hard to look at him with her glossy eyes.

"Will you stay now?" she asked, her voice weak; meek. It was the only thing she hoped for. When his onyx eyes focused on hers, she was sure that he won't cut his bonds again. She reached out for his fingers and he frowned. But it was now or never, and as she touched him it was a mute _"welcome back"_ and _"I'm here for you". _  
Though deep inside her was fear, and that shot through her veins every time he moved. She feared his hands would grab her one last time and just crush her. He let go off her and took a few steps back, but yet he stayed close.

"Hn," he looked fretful and tired, just like her._ But was he feeling pain too?_

"Where are you going to live?" it's a simple question but the lump in her throat feels big and unpleasant. The strange noises of people celebrating were all-around. The wind which had picked up slowly died down and left her hair in disorder.

"District," was his short answer, he still was the same as his twelve years old self. Plain, yet cool. _Cocky bastard._ The sound of the fast impact of sandals of the civilians made her melancholic. "I've never had a chance to be Hokage." It was hard to glance at him now. He was standing beside her, a torn and lonely boy. And she couldn't do anything, because she was exhausted and lonely. In a world after the war and after their victory she never thought she would feel so empty and abandoned_. It was ridiculous._

"I'm sorry," she said silently and started walking; as did he. Their movements were quiet and cautious.

"I don't want your pity, Sakura," he spat without looking at her. Some kids who were pure and inexperienced about the real life ran into them and with heartwarming smiles they ran on.

"I know." The long suppressed words came out of her mouth as she stopped. Her eyes were focused on the crowd in front of them.

"I want you to move in with me." It was demand and it sounded so desperate that almost broke her heart. _**Almost**__._

She smiled weakly. "I'm tired" and with that she jumped and ran to her empty house. It was a sad end for them. In the end Naruto had everything and she and Sasuke – nothing. That's what hurt the most.

* * *

It's re-written and it's better because of my lovely beta - ** Hinata1313**. Thank you very much. I hope you'll like this story.


	2. two

'_How I'm gonna make each moment better than the last__  
__How I'm gonna make it better if__  
__I can't go back' – Rosi Golan "Can't Go Back"_

On the first night the nightmares were filled with blood and screams, they were overwhelming. _They were biting, swaying and scratching._ First of all: scratching. She woke up eight times and checked her chest in fear of finding a deep, black hole there. But it wasn't there.

Even when she severed ninth time.

Sakura abruptly became more silent, tired and sleepy. She went out very seldom – people were avoiding her and throwing her suspicious glances. It was like a never ending story for her. Even her friends were nowhere to be found. To her it was like solitude was laughing at her face. _Maybe because she was the one of the trio who never had truly been alone?_  
And these moments were gnawing at her, over and over again. The pain was eating her up. And to top it all the hospital started to feel like a tomb. A huge part of the pink haired girl died there a long time before the war started. Every time she was there the nurses and other doctors looked at her angrily with looks of mute accusation - _"that was your fault, you couldn't save her"._ With that the pain in her heart was growing as fast as her headache.

On the tenth night of bad dreams she couldn't help but crying like a lost, fragile girl.  
And when she was speaking it was gibberish of sorts, mixed with apologies for everyone she could not save.

_She had been_ s_creaming like fool on the night she saw the brown, wide open eyes._

In moments like these she hated the fact that she was.

_Being oh so strong, yet so desperate._

Slowly Sakura forgot how to live without pain.

* * *

On the twentieth night he coursed himself for returning. The sheets of his bet were rumpled and dirty from his blood, which was flowing from his _sharingan_ eyes. Nevertheless he preferred the nights over the days.

During daytime he eventually trained but did nothing more. _Sometimes he was just walking around and counted the new trees behind the district. _It gave him chills. On the main streets of the village he could still hear whispers like "that damn Uchiha brat, he should die" or "last of a clan of pieces of shit".  
And it all haunted him – the family and the voices. He hated this so much. Disdain crawled through his veins like a snake and the flames of Amaterasu.

On the twenty-fifth night he burnt a hole in a wall because his bitterness and loneliness were too much to bear for him in this place so full of faked happiness and hypocrites. The small voice in his head bitterly mocked his own stupidity.

* * *

Sakura was walking through the village, it was a hot summer day and the voices of the people around her were unpleasantly loud for her. Her eyes were dull and distant but deep inside they were shining like they used to do so long ago. She had tied her hair back in a high ponytail and with that she looked older, more tired but yet so beautiful. _Before the war she used to be the most beautiful girl._ Now there was just a little left of her loveliness. In this season Konoha was crowded with young people and brimming with business. For her they were all just running in circles, everyone just another participant in the rat race. She bought something to eat and several flavors of tea. To her green tea was the best – maybe because a small sip was enough to taste all of its bitterness, and it soothed.

"Where have you been, Sakura-chan?" the old shopkeeper was looking at her with her watery grey eyes and a peaceful smile on her lips. Seeing that almost broke Sakura's heart, if the war wouldn't have already done that in many different ways. "You look like a ghost! Who's feeding you, sweetie?"

Her bitter mind is screaming – _no one, no one, no one, no one, no one, no one, please, please._

"I'm always in a hurry these days," she replied and slapped on her fake smile that already strained her. "Thank you" she said and took her full bag full of purchases, after that she was on her way home. _Home. _There were days when she forgot about the emptiness of her apartment and it crushed her every time when there was no response to her _almost _cheerful _"I'm back"._ With her gaze fixed on the ground she bumped into something, better someone. She figured it was better for her if she didn't use her trained ninja instincts.

"Sakura." He was alone and the fatigue on his face softened her expression. And here they were – fallen heroes, with cut bonds and having failed their commanders, who were forgotten by everyone by now. It's funny how fate turned everything upside-down.

"Sasuke," the suffix "-kun" died in her sore throat. She thought that she could see he noticed by the way he twitched. And it hit her that he was more alone than ever_. They won peace, but became shadows of themselves. _He wanted a home and received a cold crypt.  
"How do you live?" Sakura's voice sounds meek and frail, which had him looking at her with an evaluating stare.

"Fine. _Tch" _

"That's good"

"_Aa._"

"I think I'll go," she waved at him and slowly turned around. It was hard for her to leave him behind; it made her feel uneasy if he had to look at her back like this.

"Wait." Again it was a demand of the lost, broken boy from ancient times. She was Sakura after all – the girl of his childhood's days who was trusting and loving with her all heart. And with the love for him still in her heart she glanced at Sasuke with sadness written all-over her heart-shaped face. But this time he was silent with his eyes fixed on her as if he was fascinated. But behind his mask she thought she detected concern instead of assessment. "Go"

It's the same Sakura who allowed her own emotions to hurt her, because even the strongest have their weak point.

* * *

It was her twenty-ninth night after her return when the pain finally became too much and empty walls of her apartment were pressing down so much on her that it scared her. It took her almost thirty days to think through everything and decide about what she wanted to do; about rekindling her bonds and getting back a life. She was healer, nevertheless she was a broken girl inside, one who never had her happy ending.

Now she stood in front of the mahogany door with her shaking hand outstretched. She was stuck between her old life and her new one, arguing with herself whether she should knock or not, as a warm summer rain started to pour down on her. Her lovely pink hair was slowly soaking through, her tresses getting paler, turning almost white.

"Sakura." Before she could knock the owner of said house snapped her out of her thoughts as he growled at her. "What the_ fuck_ you're doing here?"

"I'll stay." It's a promise for the better, a better world and time for them. For the two people who once were teammates and now were strangers, strangers who wanted to kill each other mutually. It was ironic because it were_ Sakura and Sasuke_.  
Sakura, who had loved him and still did, but more maturely. And Sasuke, who had hated them for so long and still did to some point. It was ironic because these two teenagers had to fix themselves before they fell apart.

"Hn"

* * *

AN: Re-written and beta by Hina, thanks to you! Your comments give me so much power! Kisses.


	3. three

It's been a while since Sakura woke up without a little scent of fear and terror.  
On the first night in her new room she looked into the darkness with foggy eyes. She was remembering episodes with her parents and how they looked like. Most of all Sakura remembered her mother and how shiny her hair used to be, _and at that she felt a little stab of envy._ She also recalled how they used to talk about awkward situations, but that was the past. Now they are gone and she was alone. She closed her eyes and smelled Sasuke's scent which lingered everywhere in the house and it soothes her to the core.

It's been two weeks since Sakura had moved in and they lived together. It was strange how an emotionally broken boy _– no, man_ – and his grim personality could ease her pain. The worst pain that threatened to overwhelm and crush her always hit her when she looked at her old team seven photograph, and it seems as if Sasuke felt something similar when he looked at it. But sometimes they were smiling_, too_. _She smiled_, of course.  
In Sasuke's case it was more a small smirk in the corner of his lips. Sometimes they were simply sitting at an empty table without speaking a word and it calmed them down to a point. On some days they were arguing and screaming – _well, Sakura screamed_ – but after few minutes Sakura usually is giving in, she felt too fragile to argue further and afterwards she's always apologizing_, even if it wasn't her fault_.  
And it rained often; Sakura hated rain because it reminded her of Kakashi and their last encounter. He remained stubborn till his last breath. Her lips broke and it hurts.

(_It's gonna be colder, now you've forced open the door)_

* * *

Sasuke was watching her in his kitchen. He wanted to think about her as if she'd be _his_ , but it'll never be spoken out loud. Her hair was wet and it stuck to her neck. He was looking at her seemingly endless long and creamy legs while she walked over to the fridge.

"It's awful when you space out," he heard her suspicious voice and saw her emerald green eyes looking at him. He frowned and went for breakfast. "Tomatoes as always." A plate appeared in front of him with omelet and his favorite red vegetables. He could swear that she was happier now, _more alive._ The light inside her dark green orbs sometimes surfaced again when she laughed, but those sounds were rare.

"Why?" This question bugged him for quite a while now, it was his way of asking _"what's wrong with you?". _

"You're alone, too," her answer was simple and he felt touched inside but on the outside the cold and distant mask remained in place. "We are friends, you know." Sakura ate and kept her gaze fixed at her glass with orange juice. "And I'm trying to fix you, at least I try. Not to mention that you'd starve without me," her smile was subtle and a rare true one – he figured that she didn't feel any hatred towards him.

"_You're annoying_, Sakura." It sooths him when she simply puts her hands together and dipped her head, her forgiving nature not responding to his statement. Sometimes he thought that Sakura alone was more _of a home_ to him than the Hidden Leaf. On some days he looked into her eyes and noticed that all the years when he was gone, _he missed them.  
_

"You're doing the dishes."

Sometimes he forgot that they were broken heroes and teammates who wanted to kill each other twice.

_(__I know you're a fighter, __but you never fought for me when I was a shelter)_

* * *

They were strolling through the village together for the first time, though they were close their hands weren't touching. It was a bright sunny day and the streets were filled with busy and noisy people. Sakura tried to catch glimpses of familiar faces but she saw none. To her it was better to simply walk than trying to look for people who avoided her. The empty faces of civilians were watching them – for her it was hard to look at the ground because she always had been the brilliant one, _the clever and lovely Sakura who everyone loved_, for him it was habit. In her eyes one could see the hurt while he tightened his fists.

"Grocery store," she muttered and turned towards a small market. Sasuke noticed that her hair reached down to her shoulders again and were starting to curl at the tips. He had to admit he liked the color of her curls; everyone he kept remembering had had black eyes and hair, _and he was looking for a little light in his life._ He is thinking that _he likes_ ridiculous color of Sakura's curls.

"Look at her, isn't she the new Uchiha _whore_?" Two disgusting morons approached her from the front. She tensed and her left hand twitched as if she was about to make a fist. Anger blurred Sasuke's vision and then he leaped forward and grabbed them by their throats, almost crushing them in fury. Their filthy words reverberated in his mind while he was about to trap them in an illusion.

"Sasuke…" The red in his eyes vanishes as fast as it appeared and his eyes returned to their normal color. Sakura gently touched his hand and reluctantly he let go of his victims. She managed to calm him down enough, though when he looked at her _he saw nothing_. As his vision returned her emerald orbs were almost grey, the look he knew too well because it haunted him for years. It was like when he saw her limp lifeless body with blood everywhere.

_He was slowly falling back to the rear of the group. His head hurt due to the overuse the Sharingan. Voices fallowed him with every step he took. He didn't know if they had won or lost. Everything around him was fading but Sakura remained firm in his vision. He always noticed her before these other stupid brats. She was moving with slow motions. Sasuke could immediately tell that something was wrong. When he stayed in front of her he couldn't allow himself to waver, because he always had that sparkle in his chest which told him to protect her no matter what. But now he couldn't; his was angry at himself and his hands curled into fists. She looked like a frightened lamb with her teary eyes. And she had blood smeared everywhere, on her face, her torso and legs. He closed his eyes – she appeared like victim in that night, this never-ending nightmare. "I can't heal my palm" she'd whispered, showing him her crushed hand; hand that always had been so soft and gentle. A long hidden fire started to flare up under his irony skin. "I don't know why. Why?" But __**he knew**__ that she was aware of the truth. _

"We're going home. Now!" he snarled.

_(__Conversation rouses when we're alone, when we're alone, it could be home)__  
_

* * *

She used to walk around so lightly in the evenings and smiled at him after closing the doors but this time it was different. Her legs were shaking – because of the memories that were stirred, he didn't doubt that. He was observing her bearing from the stairs where he stood silently. She was breathing hard and her face was glowing in the darkness of his hall._ Their hall,_ he mentally corrected himself. But she wasn't talking, not one single word. He frowned and then went to his bedroom, leaving her alone.

_Like always. _

_(__When it's just us__you show me what it feels like to be lonely)_

* * *

He used to spar with her in the afternoons, mostly because she wanted to improve her half disabled hand but this time he didn't show up. At first she was angry but then she focused on his chakra signature. He was at home. She let out a frustrated sigh before she stormed off to the district. She opened her mouth to argue but snapped it close at the sight in front of her. Shards of glass and broken frames of photographs were laying scattered on the floor.

"They're talking" he said flatly and tightened his jaw. She nodded, _she understood_.

_(__I know you better that I ever have before__, __I know you)_

* * *

Sakura tried to catch his attention with subtle gestures every day. She made his breakfast, lunch and supper for him, but he always only commented her efforts with his typical _"hn"_ that had her flinching every time. She cleaned the house and did the laundry, yet he still didn't say anything.

"Those are yours," she said some days later and threw his dirty clothes at him. He narrowed his eyes and looked at her angrily.

"You're a woman. Women do stuff like laundry" he bit out and threw them back at her before he turned to leave. "_You're annoying_"

"They are still yours," she repeated again and dropped them on the carpet. "You can use your _katon_ to get rid of this problem"

"Hn."

"No."

_(__We could be closer, we could be closer,__we could be)_

* * *

He observed her every day suspiciously. How she was reading a medical book, how she tried to hold something heavy with her bad hand and how it frustrates her because she can't do it. How she was spacing out every time when weren't talking, how her eyes got bigger as she saw the first snow. How her hidden tears shone when she was celebrating her mentor's birthday, how her pink hair was growing longer… _which he liked_. (_He liked it no matter how long it grew._) He liked her company, it was soothing and peaceful. She has matured and sometimes he regretted it. It were moments when she closed her eyes and started to tremble or when she put on the mask of faked happiness. But his biggest regret was the fact that she had been part of _this sick war._ He could see her remaining fears, the tiny silver scars on her neck and shoulders, the lack of joy and live inside her. But he mutely enjoyed her person.

_(__When it's just us, you show me what it feels like to be lost)_

* * *

Sakura was staring at an orchid which she had bought an hour ago. It was white and it reminds her of the first snow. She let out silent sound of admiration.

"Put that thing away." Her head shot up and she looked at the dark-haired men on the sofa.  
"It's ugly"

She looked back at the flower and gently caressed the petals.

"I wish my skin would be as beautiful as the petals," she stood up and lifted the pot. "Intact and snow white. I'll put it in my room." And with measured steps she left the room.

"That's alright."

She caught him say and smiled to herself, because **that** was typically Sasuke.

_(__I know it's not over, I worked this out for sure)_

* * *

The other day it was raining and they were sitting silently in the living room. Sakura had taken a blanket from his attic about four hours ago, just in case it got cold. She tried to drink her hot tea peacefully, but her gaze remained focused on the foggy window. She realized she felt safe and calm like she hadn't in many years, it almost felt like back then when she lived with her parents.

"Sasuke-_kun_?" It has been a while since she had stopped adding suffix at the end of his name, so he peeked up. Her green eyes never looked away from the glass in front of her but she could feel his dark eyes watching her. "Thank you for giving me _a new home_"

"Aa."

_(__It's gonna be, it's gonna be better__it's gonna be better, it's gonna be better)_

* * *

She was staring at him with wide eyes and her disabled hand trembled.

"What did you say?" she whispered with a meek voice. She felt like she would fall to pieces if he would say one more word. He had turned his back on her but didn't leave.

_"I hate you."  
_

And she fell again, because she was always addicted to the pain. Because that was _him,_ him who always broke her heart and ripped her apart. Sakura's eyes changed and her thin lips cracked with a fake smile. It was painful and unpleasant but he was _her everything_ since academy days.

"It's ok," she told him – deep inside she chanted the sentence to herself repeatedly. _It's ok. It's ok. It's ok. It's ok.  
_

_(__I take your hand for you to let it go)_

* * *

Since that they remained silent around each other. After his confession he could see how she had been broken before and how she was hurting now. It bothered him because he didn't want to say these words. He wanted to say _"It's ok"_ but he could smell scent of his mother's perfume on the white shirt he had given to her.  
He wasn't sure at whom exactly his words were directed to. _The voices, their voices._ He was still a big mess.

_(__Let it go, let it go, let it go)_

* * *

"Maybe we could go and train a bit," she proposed on a cloudy afternoon. And with a bittersweet feeling he knew that she was apologizing again _even if wasn't her fault_.

"Let's go."

* * *

He was about to attack her when both of them heard a soft '_poof'_ nearby. They stopped dead in motion and then they saw him. Standing beside a tree with a porcelain mask on his face, yet Sasuke knew who he was and Sakura was sure she did too. Sasuke saw how the presence of the ANBU affected Sakura and it itched him to simply kill the intruder.

"Haruno-san, Hokage-sama wishes to see you. It's very important." And with another '_poof'_ he is gone.

"I think I have to go," she looked tired and scared. He didn't want to let her go there alone. He knew what people will be muttering, about _them_, about him… the bastard of the demonic clan with so much blood on his hands, and about her, the medic who couldn't save two of the most precious people of Konoha… the Uchiha _slut._ He wanted to tell her that _it's ok_ – that she should let them gossip and prattle on but she was already gone. Sasuke thought that the second person who had part in her inner destruction was the _Leaf's hero_ – Naruto. He knew that he still felt hatred for the blond man, _he couldn't help it.._

_(__It's gonna be better, it's gonna be better, __it's gonna be better)_

* * *

He was waiting for her in the dark hall. His former home was now more like a Crypt and it was breaking him bit by bit, he was losing his mind over and over again.

"I have a mission," she said quietly and sad at the same time as she returned. "I have to go now, maybe I'm back in about two to four weeks." She lightly touched his hand and rubbed circles over his thumb. _It felt nice. _It was different from touches he usually received. It was a genuine touch. "Take care of yourself, _will you?"_ It was like he had family again. Like the world didn't fall from his arms. But the new feeling of her fingertips across his skin vanished and he looked at her back.

"I'll wait."

She smiled at him with mute kindness in her eyes and left. The silence pressed down on him, remembering him of the emptiness in his life. It chilled him, and he hated it, he didn't want to be alone anymore.

_It's ok.._.

* * *

AU: Beta by Hina, thank you very much. I put there verses of 'Halcyon' Ellie Goulding - I think that match this pairing. Thank you for your reviews, it gave me power! Kisses everyone!


	4. four

One and a half week were over. He was just spacing out and training these days. They were full of silence and emptiness – without Sakura's soft words and small laughs. He felt lonely because every known face turned away at the sight of him. He got mad – he knew he had left Konoha, but these were people he grew up with, people he knew, people he had trained with. They might not know him well, but they knew Sakura, yet they treated her like scum. He was used to loneliness, he had been alone half of his life, but Sakura didn't. He gritted his teeth and went back to his haunted _(so, so badly)_ district.

It was past midnight as he woke up with shaking hands and queasy feeling in his stomach. He grabbed his quilt hard enough that his knuckles turned white and sucked in sharp breaths through his gritted teeth. Sasuke hated these emotional and bloody nightmares. They tore open old wounds each time he had to experience the massacre again. The echo of Itachi's last words haunted him with doubled force_**. "I'll love you forever"**_

_Love. _

He frowned and went to the bathroom. _It's a pitiful feeling, isn't it? _But he couldn't answer his question, not at all.

* * *

Sasuke's dark hair was growing longer. On sunny days it looked like ebony, but on other days and with the tiredness on his face it made him look older than he was. The place he decided to rest on top of the Hokage monument is peaceful and some high trees covered the mountain behind him. He liked it here, because he didn't have to look at the newly carved face with its idiotic smile, a smile he knew too well and he couldn't stand looking at it. It reminded him of his failure and it made him feel bitter and shameful.

"I liked you better when you were alive," he simply told the grey stone. Silver letters read 'Hatake Kakashi' and to him it was ironic how his own person reproduced this color.

It was the first time he visited the memorial stone.

* * *

Sasuke's home was quieter and more spacious than she remembered. Her legs were aching from the fast journey back to Konoha. Sakura turned in her report about the mission fifteen minutes ago with a blank face and a neutral voice. Deep blue eyes were searching her but she couldn't face him – not this time.

"I'm home," she called into the empty house, and the thoughts of his dark eyes and strict attitude calmed her down like never before. When she ascended the stairs to the first floor she noticed a small photon the commode. "I'm home," she repeated, but placed her hand over the masked face of her former sensei on the photo.

_I'm home, I'm home._

* * *

He was watching her again as she was reading a book on the sofa. Her hair was pulled up into ponytail but some locks fell on her forehead. She was biting her bottom lip nervously and suddenly she looked up, her glance suspiciously and exactly on him.

"I don't like it when you're looking at me like that with no reason," she said with a sight. It was Sunday – since five months they were living together.

"What are you reading?" he asked and could tell that she was surprised by his question, he noticed the twitch of her small hands.

"It's a book about my problem with that," she lifted her ailing hand. "I can't use my chakra canals there because they were crushed and now I can only heal with one palm. It's rather frustrating." She already sounded strained but now that she spoke about it aloud it became more painful and she closed eyes quickly and turned her head away. But he knew already that she wouldn't cry. She had lost all of her tears over him and on the battlefield. _She was fragile. _"But I guess I have to try and live with that," she laughed humorless and with strange smile and for one second he hated to see it.

"I can lose my eyesight," he mumbled before he went to the kitchen. He took a tiny glass and poured some crystal clear water. It was icy, but he didn't care. He drank it while he looked out of the window, which faced down the road and showed some rebuilt houses.

"Then both of us will be victims of this war," she said, her emerald orbs were looking intently at the back of his head. "Sometimes I wish I'm not a ninja but a normal civilian," he heard her footsteps and she was beside him, with a melancholic smile on her lips. "No fights, no wars, _no pain._" Her pink eyelashes fluttered with the rhythm of her heartbeat. It was calm and soothing.

_Thudu, thudu, thudu, thudu. _

They watched some children playing outside, who laughed and waved at them with childish joy.

_Thudu, thudu, thudu._

"We wouldn't have met if you were civilian," he silently concluded and put down a mug.

What if they never had met? What if she never would have called him 'Sasuke-kun'? What if he never had had to protect her? What if she never had asked to sit near him? What if she never has had feeling towards him? _**What if?**_

„Maybe we wouldn't be as broken as we are now," she looked at him and gave him a warm half smile before she started to walk away from him. Her petite form looked ridiculous in his oversized t-shirt but somehow right.

"I've broken you," he said and stopped just for glance over her shoulder.

"_Yes_. Yes, you have"

* * *

Recently Sasuke had started to count the days when they were apart. It was a rather boring and unmoving thing to do, but there was only so much he could do with a bandage over his eyes. So he sat there under the big oak tree and counted, but as the numbers got higher he stopped.

"I can ease the pain, if you want," her voice was smooth like silk and mechanically he frowned.

Three and half years.

_Why are you here with me?_

Her shoulder almost brushed his own. Her warmth, he could feel it. He was undecided, torn. But in the innermost depth he was pacified, because fighting with this world had been a strenuous experience.

* * *

Sakura hated looking at her body whenever she was standing in front of a mirror. She felt appalled and disgusted at the sight of disfigured frame. Her longlegs were skinnier than ever – the sharp edges of her bones were showing, especially at her knees. Her hipbones, too, were funnily exposed. And her small chest with the deep, oblong scar. She steadied herself so she wouldn't collapse. Her emerald orbs showed her inner turmoil when she shook uncontrollably with barely suppressed sobs, her fist almost in her mouth to stifle the sounds.

_(If I keep a green bough in my heart, the singing bird will come. )_

* * *

The day when he felt desire for her for the first time was grey and stormy. Sasuke always avoided his family's pictures and as he met his mother's lifeless eyes on a photo he wanted to run – run away from this house, form this pain and from this never-ending nightmare. So he ran and the moment he reached the first floor he saw her. Her pink hair was paler than normal, wet and higgledy-piggledy around her slim neck and her bare shoulders. She was glaring at him like a caught deer.

She was naked.

And then the frozen flames in his lower abdomen started to blaze. It was a heat that he never felt before. Growing within him with a fierceness that he never knew he possessed.

_(Be like the bird in flight . . . pausing a while on boughs too slight, feels them give way beneath her, yet sings knowing yet, that she has wings.__ )_

* * *

"I've never been strong enough," she told him later that evening in their living room with an ironic smile. Her lips were trembling and the sight was torturing him. "I never was brave." her fingers dug into a small cushion.

Sasuke never knew what it was like to be weak, but seeing Sakura's daily fight with herself made him think that it must be painful to be weak. d

"You_ were_ brave," he whispered while he closed his eyes and remembered how she saved him and their teacher. As her limp body crumbled down in front of them with the hole in her chest and blood everywhere on her... S_he was so small at this moment_ – he forgot that was Sakura – Sakura who just had defeated Juubi mere seconds ago. He thought that she was his only hope for the world after the war. Before he could do anything else his legs brought him to his bedroom. _'You are the bravest person I've ever known'_ he thought bitterly.

(_We think caged birds sing, when indeed they cry_)

* * *

She wanted to thank him for everything he'd done for her, especially for his silent company. She wanted to thank him but the words died every time when she opened her mouth.

On some lazy afternoon they were walking side by side. Voices surrounded them but they seemed quieter and not so distinct as usual. She wanted to thank him for returning because he was _her home_ in this twisted village.

She wanted to tell him about her parents. How her mother was telling her stories about birds. _How she loved birds. _How she always was late for family dinners. How her father gave her every small piece of sunrise. How they were shining with their love. But when she looked at him she knew that it would break his heart a little further. For the first time Sakura reach out and gently touched her fingers to Sasuke's palm. And even though she wasn't talking he knew. He always knew.

It was on their first Christmas together as Sasuke let Sakura hold his hand all way home.

_(__In order to see birds it is necessary to become a part of the silence)_

* * *

For him she was the light.

"Why are you looking at me like _that?" _she asked, as her hair was full of snowflakes and her cheeks were redder than usual and her lips – her beautiful, never defiled lips – were slightly parted. He was still standing on terrace with his arms crossed and dark scarf around his neck. Her green eyes glanced at him with something like a sparkling within them.

In her he saw a home.

"You look stupid." His voice was monotone like always but on the edges of it – it has a warm tint to it. Her figure shivered and he must have automatically frowned because she snapped at him.

"Shut up!"

In her he saw a future.

"I'm going inside. You?" He glanced at her one last time and went into kitchen. After a moment he could feel her presence in room. "I made you tea." It was a simple and small gesture – he knew that, but the soft smile on her lips told him, that sometimes small gestures were enough.

(_Did you know that my love is the only love that can fly backwards?)_

* * *

"You know nothing about me!" This time it was him who yelled, while covering his bleeding eye with one hand. It was burning like hell, but the image of her sad face in front of him made him shrink even more. How many times did he used to say: _'burn it, burn it, burn it, burn it,_ _**burn it all'?**_

"You can tell me, if you want to," she whispered and left him alone in the dark hall with the ghosts of past.

_(__A bird can carry all the sky__, __in that little button glowing)_

* * *

She was sitting on a wooden chair with her knees pressed to her chest and her hair waving in the light spring breeze around her face. He was leaning against the door frame, watching her slender fingers as they were turning the pages of a book with grace. Sakura had always been beautiful for him – when they were children it was only a little of this loveliness – but now, when her _so ridiculous_ pink locks were dancing in the wind he wished to be allowed to look at her forever.

"Do you think that the war was started because of love?" He slowly looks at her heart- shaped face and the firm line of her lips. "Do you think that love can be _so_ strong?" She is waiting for an answer.

"I don't know."

She focused her glance at garden in silent anger.

"He just loved her so much, even then," her mumble was soft and sore at the same time.

_(But the moment a bird was dead, no matter how beautiful it had been in its life, the pleasure of possessing it vanished for me)_

* * *

On her birthday he grabbed her wrist and with a broken expression begged her:

"I want a family"

(_What's wrong with letting anyone know that there's a bird in your chest?_)

* * *

Hello darlings, it's been a while. You know, summer and all day sunbathing and all night parties. Review please! Thanks to my beta - Hina1313!


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